Dealing with people is not always easy. Sometimes, it can be so frustrating that it can lead us to depression and most of our day to day problems rise because we are bad at handling people. We go into arguments, create conflicts and end up feeling miserable so I thought in this article I’m going to share with you three most important social skills that will change your social life and I think everyone should master.
Listen to Learn, Not To Respond
A lot of us are really bad at listening. We love expressing our opinions and speaking out even if we have to interrupt. That’s why we are always focused on responding to other people and not trying to understand them.
We often confuse listening with hearing, listening is more than that. Listening is trying understand and look at the situation from the perspective of the other person that you are talking to and lack of this skill is probably the source of most of our social problems.
When you listen with the intention to learn, things completely change. You start looking at the situation with a completely different wheel because now you’re not trying to impose what you already know but you are trying to learn something new.
If it’s an argument with someone then you will try to put yourself in their shoes and learn why the other person is having a different opinion. Maybe you are the one in to respond the wrong, maybe there are things that you don’t know or haven’t realized yet and you will never see them as long as you are listening to respond, not to learn.
Approaching any conversation or argument with this method will change everything around you. It’s not only about you trying to learn something but actually send a clear message to the other person that you are not here to show off or to prove that you are better in some way and that you are here to learn.
In return, it will push him to deal with you in the same way to live aside this ego and approach the situation in a more rational way and you will save a lot of time rather than that being wasted on useless arguments.
Secondly, you will learn something new. It is a win-win situation for both sides but someone has to start it and the other person in most of the cases will follow up.
Find A Common Interest
Something that most of us is really good at is in finding differences and that’s something normal because we’re all different. We come from different backgrounds and different families, we also like and hate different things and interests but what’s common among everyone is we like people who like what we like. People who are interested in the same things that we are interested in.
We quickly find a common language with them and become friends. That’s probably the reason why become friends in the first place. Look at the circle of your friends. Are they the people who are interested in the same things that you are interested in, right? And that’s something very crucial to understand.
Think about it, if you focus on finding a common interest between you and the person you’re trying to deal with, you are quickly going to become friends and have a pretty good relationship. All you need to do is to find what that person is interested in that you are also interested in. That’s basically all that it takes for anyone to like you.
This instantly going to become easier to deal with that person. Sometimes it’s really hard to find a common interest but keep in mind that you can always show interest even if you’re not interested.
For instance, I’m not really interested in tennis but if I come across someone who is really into that sports, I’m going to show some interest to that just to create a good relationship with that person. You can do that with anyone and there is nothing wrong with that.
This will totally improve your social life significantly.
Debate And Not Argue
As humans we enjoy talking and sharing our ideas and opinions but what often happens is that our opinions contradict with the opinions of others and in result we end up arguing and trying to prove that our opinions and ideas are more valuable.
What we are not realizing is that emotions play a pretty big role in our life and it makes us feel inferior when someone tried to prove that their opinions or ideas are more valuable than ours, so we try to defend ourselves even if we are wrong because right now we are not thinking rationally but rather emotionally. We start taking action as a result of how we feel, not how we think because our emotions are in charge now. Just think about how many times you went into a strong conflict with a close person to you just because we had an opposite opinion.
It happens too often with us and that’s why instead of turning a conversation into an argument, you should focus on keeping it as a debate. Whenever you want to change someone’s mind or you find your thoughts contradict the other person you’re with, never try to look as if you’re trying to prove something because that’s what usually turns a conversation into an argument.
Rather try to seem as if you are simply sharing ideas or just debating.
I think this social skills are the backbone of all other social skills. Sometimes we do practice them consciously or unconsciously but if we try to practice them more and more, we are going to make a significant change in our social life.